blaaa

I love my wife and kids so much but their is this need to bee able to talk to my brother and sisters in person but its like a hopeless thing Im hoping I can. I have not talked to my younger brother and sister since I was 15 and it ripped my heart out when they stopped talking to me. The weeks, months and years that have followed have been so hard on me. Its like some one is playing a game with my hart that I know how its going to end. I have missed talking to them for so long and as life goes and I get older the pain of not being able to talk to them is unbearable. There are times I want to cry but I have cried so much that there are no tears left to cry. All of this because of things that I was forced to say as a kid that I can not take back. And Im sure they will not believe me. If I could take it back I would but I can not.

Family

Some times family are not family. They do things family should not do. As well as say things that should never be said. Some times family will walk out of your life when you need them the most and it puts a hole in your heart that may never be filled again. And some times you must walk out of your family's life and never return. But remember family can be non blood as well. Some people come into your life and become family and stay family Family is someone who will remain in your life and help you become a better person, A better man/women, better friend. Remember family may not be blood related but they are family and that is what matters

Friends

What is a friend? A friend is someone who will put up with your bullshit and still think the same about you. They are willing to help you when you need it the most. They are a person who will not lave you hanging when everyone else does. They are willing to go to the end of the earth with you. Willing to spend unlimited time with you. They are family and nothing nor no one will change that. Remember a friend is there when you need them the most and thy will lend you thir shoulder to cry on. They will lend you a ear. 

New day

As a new day starts I wonder why am I still alive? So many thing run thru my head every day. things like what if I lost every thing , what if I lost my kids and wife. I wonder what plan the lord has planned for me but what ever it is Im ready. As the days pass I see a lot, hear a lot. I must admit that some days I would like to punch people in the face or even kick them. Some days I would just like to close my eyes and go to sleep for good but I remember that I am needed by my kids and truly loving wife. If it was not for my wife and kids I would not have a reason to go on with life. They are the force that drives me every day of very month of very year that goes by. I am truly grateful for them coming into my life

Yes

Yes I have made mistakes like everyone. I have made so many mistakes in my like since I was taking away from my parents. Many of the mistakes have made people walk out of my life and I have had to walk out of peoples life so many times. I  made so many that it has changed my life. Some mistake where really bad ones and have caused me a lot of pain but I must live with what mistakes I have made for the rest of my life. Some have caused me pain that I have to deal with for the rest of my life but its something that I have learned to deal with. I have messed up some peoples life and I am truly sorry for that. My mistakes have help shape who I am today and have caused me to become a great husband, father and friend. I would give any thing to take back some of the things I have done but I can not so as the days/years pass I am making sure to not make the same mistakes again.

My Life

Life has taught me so many lessons and some I learned the hard way. I leaned that sometimes you must walk away from every thing and every body to get on the right path. It has taking me a very long time to get to where I am today and I have so many people to thank for helping me get to where I am. When I was 10 I was taken away from my parents by DSS/CPS. Soon after my life started going down hill. As the days, months pasted I went from a happy kid to a kid who had no one. At age 11 I was split from my brother and sister because I pulled a knife on my brother and sister as well as many other things.. It took its toll on me. I started acting out both physically and emotionally as well as verbally. I was tossed around like a piece of paper in the wind. I went from home to home, to groups homes and they could not even control me and I ended up getting kicked out. I ended up in a mental hospital a few times and at one time I spent almost a year in one. I was a mean kid who damaged so much. As the years passed I became hopeless. I had gave up all hope. My last foster home  was with Martha. I learned a lot from her and she put up with a lot of my bull shit. I ended up being in foster care till I was 21 and ended up walking away.  I did what I wanted and when I wanted. I failed so many times and lost a few jobs along the way. I became suicidal and started hurting myslf.  But ended up meting 2 great people who  go by meme & cat. Then in 2008/09 I joined a website meetme(MyYearbook then). I joined a group that battled pictures against other people. I met someone named Andrea. we talked every day. I moved into a little mobile camper. Ended up moving in with my best friend mom. after 2 week after living with her she told me I had 2 weeks to find a place to move into. I told Andrea about what was going on. She offered me a place with her and her kid Hayliee. She borrowed the money from family, She paid for a one way trip to Maine. I left with nothing but a trash bag full of cloths. Andrea and her cousin cam and got me from the bus station. We stared dating right away. I started having bi polar episode and tried to kill myself many times. She stopped me and restrained me so many times. At one point I was committed to Saint Marys and was put on meds. was released. a few days later I had a allergic reaction to on of the meds I was on, called them like I was told and was informed they could not do any thing for me. A week later I ended up having another episode and when Andrea tired to keep me from hurting myself, I  head butted her in the face and I pushed her back. She called the cops for them to come help me and I ended up getting arrested and thy committed me again. I was finally put on meds that worked and that helped. I ended up going to court and since I had not been in any trouble with the law I was put on a deferred deposition witch meant that I could not get in any trouble for 1 year and the charges would be dropped. I vowed to stay on my meds for my wife and kids as well as my sake. I ended up proposing to her, we where together for a while and she became prego with Amyah. After she had Amyah we tied the knot on 8/5/11. In May 2013 we moved to New Bern, NC. After a short time she became prego with our 3rd kid Alekzander who will arrive the end of May early June. Life is now amazing and every day I wake up and I am truly happy with out a doubt! I have learned that you do need peoples help even when you do not want it and you must admit you are wrong something. Sometimes one must give up everything, and leave everyone behind. Also you must let go and move on with your life.